Real Info on Donating Cars

In violation to our mission of providing only useless information, here is some actually useful information about donating cars. A couple of years ago the IRS changed the rules about car donations, and pulled the rug out from under people that were getting full market value as a deduction for their donated stinkpot clunker. Now, if the value of the car is greater than $500 and the charity is auctioning the car, you only get the amount the car sold for at auction (which the charity must certify within 30 days). The workaround? Find a charity that actually fixes up and uses the car or provides it to the needy-- then you can get fair market value.

It took me a while to find useful information on this subject, because web searches just turn up these incredibly skanky "DonateYourCarToMe.com" sites that seem to be auction houses that donate some portion of the proceeds to charity after skimming off their take. There's a decent article here that even lists an example of a charity that provides the car to the needy.

Donate Cars to the Blind

I have a clunker I was thinking of donating to charity for the writeoff, when I came across a hit in Google to "Donate Cars to the Blind". Can I donate for use in a different state? I'd rather they weren't driving around my neighborhood. Lotsa kids and dogs.

Hi

Bored now. Bye.

Bush's Anal Probe

AP reports that doctors removed five small polyps from President Bush's colon on Saturday after he temporarily transferred the powers of his office for two hours to Vice President Dick Cheney under the rarely invoked 25th Amendment. Cheney declared war on North Korea, but ran out of time before he could send troops into Iran.

Ron Paul's Huge War Chest

So Ron Paul, the GOP's outsider presidential candidate, has reported that he has collected $2.4 million in contributions since April from the lunatic fringe-- outdistancing the John McCain trainwreck as it rolls down the side of the gorge. I gotta say that there's something awfully sexy about politicians arguing against the conventional wisdom.

Britney Spears Pet Mystery

So, Britney, like, got this new dog? This weekend? And, like, it's a $3000 Yorkie? She, like, fell in love with it in fifteen minutes before plonking down the plastic.

All of this comes a few months after she won the Worst Pet Owner in the World contest for disappearing her three Chihuahuas immediately after squeezing out a couple of puppies of her own with K-Fed. And then she disappeared K-Fed. I think her kids are still around for the time being, but the Yorkie may change matters. I think this is all going to be really good for her.

Hey, where can you find ratty wigs like the one she is wearing in the photo? Do they come that way?

Everything About Galilea Montijo

Galilea Montijo just cracked the Technorati popular searches. Never heard of her.

Your Bigfoot Festival Headquarters

Don't miss the Honobia Bigfoot Festival on October 5 and 6 in Oklahoma. Sasquatch ya there!

Live Earth Rocks

Every time people talk about Live Earth, my mind turns to thoughts of preventing soil erosion. Cryptobiotic soil, also called cryptogamic earth, is certain lichens, mosses, algaes, and microscopic plants binding with the top layers of soil to form a light crust. In arid regions his crust protects land from wind and water erosion, but is extremely fragile and years of growth can be destroyed by simple foot traffic. That's why, when you ignore instructions and leave the park trail to take that bad photo you will never look at, you deserve to have a meathook driven into your brain.

Oh, and Live Earth was a series of concerts too. Gore in 2000!

Toni Collette Spawning

It's unkind, but just looking at Toni Collette gives me the willies. Whenever watching one of her movies, I spend the whole time struggling to master my gag reflex. And now all the celebrity news outlets are chattering about how she's pregnant with her first child like it's a freaking miracle. I'm not going to rail on how the only miracle is that she found a mate... I can be gracious. I'm just going say congratulations Toni.

Hoteldipity

Something is lost in translation, but there's a big trend on Spanish language sites to pile on the use of the term hoteldipity. I'm a sucker for a trend, but I'm too lazy to figure what this is about. Something to do with SEO, but I'm too lazy to figure out what that is too-- it looks like really boring training. Hope it's not a cult or something.

Tori Spelling Is Ordained As Minister

According to the Baltimore Sun, old Tori of 90210 fame has become a matchbook minister. She is now official High Priestess of the Church of My Ass.

Pseudoporn, Week 2

Man, this pseudoporn is totally hot. Damn!

Ron Paul Rules

GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul totally rules Technorati, but I am not sure why. Don't get me wrong-- the whole "end income tax" shtick has got to resonate with a lot of people. But not one other candidate from either party, for good or ill deeds, has appeared on the Technorati top searches at any point since I have been watching it. It could be that his message has enormous populist appeal, or it could be that someone is gaming the ratings. Black helicopters and all that...

I can't dispute his message that income taxes are an unnecessary source of revenue, and that the government could readily cover the difference with wiser spending. I know this manic guy who corners people at parties to explain at breakneck speed how the entire income tax system is entirely voluntary, and that citizens can just opt out. I can't dispute that either-- I'm just not very well informed.

Report Identifies Total Failure of War on Terror

Gee, ain't it great that the new threat assessment from counterterrorism analysts says that al-Qaida is back and strong as ever? I bet the administration is all torn between announcing this to fuel panic and support for the war on terror, and concealing their utter failure in dismantling terrorist organizations thusfar.

Exclusive Photographs of Amy Polumbo

Since scandal has rocked the Miss America contest with the blackmail threats about lewd images of Miss New Jersey, we have located these exclusive grainy photos of Amy Polumbo. Wait a sec, wrong Amy Polumbo. Never mind.

China Executes Bureaucrat

China executed the former head of their food and drug administration in light of his corruption and ineffective policies.  This judgement preceded some of the recent scandals involving Chinese exports, but is certainly related.  Terminating failed government leaders... hmmm.

Yet Another Argument for Neutering Your Boy Dog

This article pains me so much, I can hardly talk about it. Caught on a fence by your testicles? Now I'm going to have nightmares.

Clay Aiken Gets a Whuppin'

Clay Aiken, American Idol charmer, must be weary from endless tourin'. He was sprawling out on his airplane seat like a living room sofa, and put his feet up on someone else's armrest. Apparently the woman occupant in that seat opened a big old can of verbal whupass on him, going so far as to lay hands on the pop icon and national treasure. Transportation Safety being what it is, the scene resulted in a big old investigation on the ground when the plane landed.

Gotta say, I have a hard time keeping out the bad voices when some dweeb is kicking my seat on a long flight. You go girl.

Cynthia Rodriguez and the F-Bomb

Boy, Cynthia Rodriguez has some staying power. The wife of A-Rod wore a t-shirt printed with the F-bomb to a Yanquis game, presumably a message to all of us too focused on her husband's earlier appearance at dinner in Toronto with a Playboy bunny and stripper. All this was way over a week ago, but she's still way up on the Yahoo Buzz listings.

Emerging Markets

So, earlier in the week I posted that maybe exploiting the hugely popular topics in blog posts isn't all that advantageous for driving traffic because of the enormous competition from other blogs.

One of the things I have noticed is that the market for topics concerning Caribbean and Latin American celebrities and culture can be huge-- and the competition among sources of information doesn't seem to be as fierce. In my real blog I was getting dozens of hits from South American countries, and it turned out this was because I had accidentally made reference to the title of a Reggaeton hit. This was going on for months, I assume because there weren't other web sites with enough authority to knock me off the top of the Google searches.

So that being said, Noelia, Copa America, Reggaeton, Reggaeton, Reggaeton, Chiguagua. Buenas Dias!

Top of the Pops

I just love looking at Google Trends, because the list is so meaningless to me. I learn something every time I click on a link. Did you know a big green egg is a grill? As for any people mentioned, you can generally assume they are B-list celebs who did something wrong or are dead.

Keep in mind the list are the most increased, not the most popular, search terms-- porn and Paris Hilton still rule. Check it out... in honor of July 4, Taxation without Representation made the list.

1. bill pinkney
2. sochi
3. big green egg
4. gonna let it shine singer
5. jennifer lyn jackson
6. living goddess
7. mass lottery
8. sonya thomas
9. david reimer
10. taxation without representation is tyranny

Question

How the heck did the Wicked Witch of the West survive to adulthood without melting? Doesn't it ever rain in Oz? It's not like her broom had a canopy or anything.

Star Wars Fanboy Double-Shot

'nkay, here are two hot vids from the Star Wars fanboys out there. Han Solo would be so proud. If it didn't combine the twin dorkiness of Star Wars and model-building, the Lego one would be kind of amazing.

Transformers Review

I ran into a guy today who saw the Transformers movie last night. Sure the acting sucked and there was no story to speak of, but the giant robots are soooo cool. You can even see like the little gizmos rotating inside when they move. And the scene on the highway overpass... Bweeee, bdoooge! I can't wait to rent it dude.

Moral Standing

I went to Technorati on the first day of launching the Lame Salad blog, and we had an authority of one. Somebody had linked to us, which was entirely unexpected given the absence of useful postings.

The blog in question was a totally grody porn blog, and he had glommed onto the Pseudoporn post. He said-- "Lame Salad made me laugh - a note to the author. I did this too, and look how I ended up, eventually you end up hitting the hard stuff." I h'ain't gonna link to him, 'cause his site is plain nasty.

So why wouldn't my stupid attention-getting blog end up on the "hard stuff"? No ads, no profit motive. Plus I've got standards. Really low ones, but they are there. There's a difference between showing porn and opportunistically pretending to have porn, just like there's a difference between going to the opera and standing outside bumming change off of the patrons.

Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan Comes Out of The Closet

I'm thinking he's got a big house, so he probably comes out of a walk-in at least once a day.

But seriously, I read his book in which he describes his rise from an illegal dog groomer with no english to an ass-kissing celebrity toady (sample cut: "my best friend Jada Pinkett Smith was always there with good advice, and Will Smith didn't feel the least bit threatened"). He has an entire chapter dedicated to his role model, Oprah. Now I get a lot of crap for liking show tunes, but Oprah? Cesar, come out come out wherever you are.

Paris Hilton Sues Over Prison Assault

That title is just a lie. It denegrates all of the valuable lessons she learned in the slammer. Now she is a brand new bimbo.

Insights Into Breed Specific Legislation

If you want to get a better sense of the drivers behind Breed Specific Legislation, check out what happens when this Pit Bull pulverizes these chickies. Not really... he's really very sweet with them.

But that doesn't change what he'd do to you after he'd sunk his teeth into your heart. Not really... all youse Pit Bull owners can settle down now.

Rare Art

I've come to realize that simply hopping on the bandwagon of exploiting the most popular subjects to build traffic may not be the way to go. If I do a posting on the iPhone today, it's just going to be spit in the ocean of postings. The entry in Technorati would be pushed so far down the list so fast that it would get no play.

So the sweet spot is figuring out topics that will be fairly popular, but that won't attract too many postings or other web information. That way my post can linger in the listings for a longer spell, and maybe pull in a few more hits. Trendy, but not too trendy.

I have some ideas here, but that will have to wait for another day.

Totally Hot

According to Yahoo Buzz, Melanie Chisholm and the Spice Girls reunion is totally out and lady golfers rock. At least I've heard of Michelle Kwan. I had to look up to find out that Melanie Chisholm was Sporty Spice (Ah-*hasbeen*-choo).

Top ten (I guess the Lady Di concert brushed the dust off of Bryan Ferry and Take That too):
1 Natalie Gulbis 4844%
2 Cristie Kerr 1899%
3 Yi Jianlian 1260%
4 Michelle Kwan 1075%
5 Take That 994%
6 Chelsy Davy 880%
7 Cerina Vincent 818%
8 Amanda Detmer 763%
9 Bryan Ferry 760%
10 Sprint Mogul 649%

Bush Saves Scooter Libby from Prison

Jeez, never saw that one coming. Bush should get into commuting sentences for bank robbers for a cut. A man of his moral fiber and respect for due process could make a killing.

Is it in the rules that he can he pardon himself?

Beer-colate

On the subway home I saw a poster from the National Peanut Board saying "How many things can improve the taste of beer and chocolate?" First off, mixing beer and chocolate? Is that like a shake or something? As to improving the taste, I don't know... but maybe Pepto could keep you from hurling.

Prepaid iPhone Plan

In looking for shamelessly self-promoting items to post in my blog, I inadvertently found some information that might actually be useful to someone. In attempting to figure out a way to get prepaid AT&T plan for an iPhone, some guy received this guidance.

I'm so ashamed that my blog might be informative. By the way, iPhone, iPhone, iPhone. Man, I can't wait until someone at the office puts down his iPhone for a minute. I'm going to try that bounce test from the video.

Family Launches New Career for Pop Star!

I know squat about Noelia, except that this word has been coasting at the top of the Technorati popular searches for weeks. Turns out she's a Puerto Rican pop star who is the subject of a sex tape released by her stepfather. That's what families are for.

Don't be looking for some pr0n sex tape here, this is just a music video from Youtube. The mere mention of her name is good for a passel of visits.

iPhones

Just taking it out of the box and this dude has a Dick Van Dyke moment. I guess someone had to be first. In case you live in cave at the top of an escarpment surrounded by razor sharp stakes and don't know, iPhones are incredibly hot.

Pseudoporn

To aimlessly boost your hit count from Google image searches, just periodically embed an ambiguous fleshy photo named "Porno" into your blog. Sit back and watch the hit counter roll.

Mission Statement

After months in a see-saw battle to keep visitors coming to my real blog, stressed about whether I was getting boring or losing my audience, I decided to create this blog. It's sole purpose is to pointlessly attract traffic using whatever shallow and meaningless stunts necessary. Through this social experiment I hope to educate myself in the futility of even worrying about this crap, or totally humiliate myself. Or maybe both.

I guarantee as little useful content as possible. Welcome, this is the future.